My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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