Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
