So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
