I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
