If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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