I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
