Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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