You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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