i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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