i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
