Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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