beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
