I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
