I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
