the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
