the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This house was built for laser tag.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
