I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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