oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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