OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize