I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
