You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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