Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
