you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
