Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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