In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize