I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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