Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
