Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
