is your mom at the bar?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
