So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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