So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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