Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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