so that wasnt chicken after all
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Randomize
