All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
