THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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