he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
