I should be sponsored by Trojan
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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