I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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