Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
