if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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