how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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