I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
