oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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