i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
