I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
