Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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