i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
