I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
