high people should be assigned attendants
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
