Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
