Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
