somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
