i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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