Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
