I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
