So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
