Got a toothbrush?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
