how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
