is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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