I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
