So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
