My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
