And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
