i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
