Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
