Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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