I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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