I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize