I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were trust falling into bushes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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