My sheets look like a crime scene.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
