i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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