She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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