his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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