i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
