Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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